Friday, June 08, 2007

Colony Collapse Theory #812

There has been a great deal of speculation lately about Colony Collapse Disorder and the disappearance of the honey bee. Theories to explain this freakish phenomenon have run the gamut from mites, pesticides, genetically engineered crops, and global warming to studies linking Colony Collapse Disorder to cell phone usage. However, I now know the truth.

Today I stepped on my second honey bee in as many weeks. I have gone my entire life without ever stepping on a single bee. Now I've stepped on two, and even though I was wearing sandals both times I still managed to get stung on the bottom of my foot. Clearly, this explains Colony Collapse Disorder. Honey bees are now being trampled in record numbers. From my own recent survey of feet, the increase in bee tramplings has been astronomical.

And in addition to now having this vague sense of guilt over treading on a possibly endangered species, it also fucking hurts.


  1. Hehe...So it's your fault! Booo! ;)

    If you'd like to help recoup some of the damages your feet have caused, stop by Save the Blank! where I'm trying to raise money to find out what exactly is going on with our bees. You'll feel better about your tramplings, and have a nice new t shirt to boot!

  2. In one of the more bizarre jobs I held as a grad student in the humanities, one summer I was responsible for the insect pavilion at the California State Fair. And may I just point out that I am not an entomologist? Anyway, the consulting beekeeper and I thought it would be a good idea to have TWO colonies of bees on display, one of which could exit its exhibit through a plastic tube through the roof of the building.

    Can you picture what happened next? The bees flew up the tube and back into the building to visit the other bees. So yes, there was a major swarm inside the building. And guess who was the only person who got stung? Once on each ankle. Damn, that hurt.