Alternative Academic Titles

I just realized that my inaugural post for this blog concerned a list of John Hodgman inspired academic hobo names. The recent post below on academic titles seemed in a similar vein. So in honor of this confluence, I decided I should post a slightly longer list of alternative, unused academic ranks and titles.

1. Elder Viceroy for Academic Affairs
2. Grand Vizier of Student Services
3. Vice Admiral for Institutional Research
4. Lord High Provost
5. Temporary Trusted Advisor
6. Assistant Grand Inquisitor in Residence
7. Major General of General Studies
8. Adjutant Affiliate Graduate Dean
9. Honorary Academician
10. Eternal Assistant Dean
11. Associate Vice Khan
12. Distinguished Interim Emperor
13. Visiting Dean Regent
14. Acting Vice Sultan of Instruction
15. Supreme Exalted Associate Professor
16. Eminent Illustrious Adjunct Instructor
17. Serene Associate Vice Provost
18. Venerable Consulting Scholar
19. Grand High Instructor
20. Honored Guest Director
21. Emeritus Grand Mugwump

Here is an actual list of academic ranks and titles. It is no less strange.

Academic Hobo Names

For reasons I can't fully explain, I'm strangely drawn to John Hodgman's recitation of 700 hobo names with Jonathan Coulton's accompanying guitar strumming of Big Rock Candy Mountain in the background. On hearing #40: All-but-Dissertation Tucker Dummychuck, however, my mind started wandering to possible academic hobo names. Hodgman's list also includes such notable academic hobo names as: Hobo Zero, Del Folksy-Beard, Thanatos Koch, Not-Only But-Also Pete, and Iowa Noam Chomsky. However, here is my own starting list of possible academic hobo names for all those past, present, and future itinerant professors, produced purely for therapeutic reasons. Please hum Elgar's Pomp and Circumstance to yourself as you read:

1. Elbow Patches McGee
2. Dr. No
3. Simon almost Endowed Chair
4. Would-you-like-fries-with-that the Proust Scholar
5. Philosopher Jack
6. Lecturer Louise
7. Non-tenure Track Jones
8. Publish and Perish Carmichael
9. Education Eddy the Migrant Ed.D.
10. Schumpeter's Swan
11. Zeno's Pariah
12. Will Teach for Food Steve
13. Nobby Post the Structuralist
14. Symptoms-to-Enjoy Lars
15. Sylvia Plath's Tenure Committee
16. Chrome Pate Pete
17. Mille Papers to Grade
18. Office Squatting Orwell
19. Dismal Science Dan
20. MLA "Meat Market" Mike
21. Catachresis Chris
22. Homer Headroom
23. Caffeine Canetti
24. I am Jack's Post-Tenure Depression
25. Committee Work Cathy
26. General Ed
27. Big Science Little Budget Beckett
28. Ramen Noodle Rick
29. The Dean of Down and Out
30. Sallie Mae's Bitch