Tuesday, February 13, 2007

Academic Hobo Names

For reasons I can't fully explain, I'm strangely drawn to John Hodgman's recitation of 700 hobo names with Jonathan Coulton's accompanying guitar strumming of Big Rock Candy Mountain in the background. On hearing #40: All-but-Dissertation Tucker Dummychuck, however, my mind started wandering to possible academic hobo names. Hodgman's list also includes such notable academic hobo names as: Hobo Zero, Del Folksy-Beard, Thanatos Koch, Not-Only But-Also Pete, and Iowa Noam Chomsky. However, here is my own starting list of possible academic hobo names for all those past, present, and future itinerant professors, produced purely for therapeutic reasons. Please hum Elgar's Pomp and Circumstance to yourself as you read:

1. Elbow Patches McGee
2. Dr. No
3. Simon almost Endowed Chair
4. Would-you-like-fries-with-that the Proust Scholar
5. Philosopher Jack
6. Lecturer Louise
7. Non-tenure Track Jones
8. Publish and Perish Carmichael
9. Education Eddy the Migrant Ed.D.
10. Schumpeter's Swan
11. Zeno's Pariah
12. Will Teach for Food Steve
13. Nobby Post the Structuralist
14. Symptoms-to-Enjoy Lars
15. Sylvia Plath's Tenure Committee
16. Chrome Pate Pete
17. Mille Papers to Grade
18. Office Squatting Orwell
19. Dismal Science Dan
20. MLA "Meat Market" Mike
21. Catachresis Chris
22. Homer Headroom
23. Caffeine Canetti
24. I am Jack's Post-Tenure Depression
25. Committee Work Cathy
26. General Ed
27. Big Science Little Budget Beckett
28. Ramen Noodle Rick
29. The Dean of Down and Out
30. Sallie Mae's Bitch


  1. I think Sallie Mae's Bitch is my favorite!

  2. Thanks! That one is my favorite too. In fact, I stopped there because I was pretty sure I wouldn't be able to beat it. However, if anyone else wants to try their hand at academic hobo names, please feel free to add more here.