Wednesday, April 04, 2007

Noah's Suspended Animation & Conservapedia's Suspended Disbelief

It seems that Limited, Inc. has been bitten by the conservapedia bug now too. Almost literally. Inspired by conservapedia's article on kangaroos, LI has asked bloggers to share the following nugget of "surrealistic science" with the hopes that it too will one day find its rightful home in the conservapedia. "Please, readers, pass this around. LI wants to add a little something to the Conservapedia. One tiny step for an idiot, but a giant leap for the idiocy of all mankind!" I live but to serve, so here it is:

Science has always found Noah’s ark a puzzle. On the one hand, God’s word says Noah built an ark and assembled all the animals, two by two – so we have some firm facts to go on. But how did Noah feed the animals, and keep them from eating each other?

The answer may come from “S.A., crypto-suspended animation in inverterbrates by Dr. Axel Kroeger and Dr. Nicalaus Swiboda in the Acta Oto-Biblica Vol. 10, issue 4 (2006), the premier journal of Bible based natural science out of Uppsala, Poland. Kroeger and Swiboda reproduced ark-like conditions by sealing off the Olympic sized swimming pool at the Holiness Temple College (where they both work in the endosynchrology department) and building a beaverwood structure to float on the pool. The two captured insects, perhaps the most difficult animal Noah and his family had to deal with. Using a simple to construct dry ice machine, using lumber from Mount Arak’s famous balsa trees and a simple combination of ice, sulphur, copper, tooth enamel, dew and fire, Drs. Kroeger and Swiboda demonstrated conclusively that the insects could be put into a state of suspended animation for up to two weeks. This, incidentally, made them much easier to stack.


  1. This is great news! I always thought Uppsala was in Sweden. How wonderful to learn after all these years that it's really in Poland.

  2. Yes. This article is full of little known conservative facts that have been supressed by the millions of liberal censors at Wikipedia. Evidently, even geographical facts can have a liberal bias. Uppsala, Poland is never mentioned in the liberal Wikipedia, nor is the science of endosynchrology for which this Polish town is justly famed. This connection between "Uppsala, Poland" and "endosynchrology" can easily be confirmed by a quick Google search. Perhaps Conservapedia will also be able to correct this liberal bias in geography as well.