Friday, September 25, 2009

I Need A Mission Statement

My university has a mission statement. My college has a mission statement. My (former) department and (current) program both have mission statements. These documents all tend to be vaguely noble, yet also strangely nebulous. However, that doesn't seem to stop all manner of policies from being implemented in the name of these mission statements.

I think I need a mission statement too.

I need a mission statement that "encourages and fosters the growth of" my sanity.  A mission statement that "advances the twin goals" of lowering my blood pressure and calming my nerves through the "creation and cultivation" of peaceful working environments. I need a mission statement that "recognizes the continuing importance" of my ongoing financial well being and "seeks to achieve these goals through the development and implementation of creative and innovative policies and practices."

Do you think I should post my mission statement on my door underneath my office hours?


  1. Look, you've got to be more careful with that mission statement. It's got real practical goals in it, which means it's subject to obfuscation-resistant failure by robust standards. For the love of God do not publish this under any circumstances.

  2. Here's a mission statement for you from Newport News Shipbuilding, unchanged since 1886:

    "We shall build good ships here - at a profit if we can - at a loss if we must - but always good ships"